The first full week of February

Sunday started off as a recovery day, but when there's 3 kids six and under, and a fourth in the womb, we have a better chance of winning the Mega Millions jackpot than sleeping in. We had a good family breakfast with some blueberry paleo pancakes, and some naps. However, as the day moved on, it was sad to see the snow melt and the mud take over.

Sunday evening we had the blessing of getting some time with Capri, one of Jessica's college friends who's a photographer. She's taken our pictures before (the Christmas card photo in the first post). We were thrilled to get some "bump" pictures - some that show our love among all our kids including Caroline. It brought some peace to know that we've memorialized her existence and that she's part of our family - in a more artful way than the ultrasound pictures.  (Pictures to come as soon as we get them!)

We also began a new routine - taking time each morning before the day starts to pray with Caroline.  This is bringing us closer to her (and each other) than ever.  This, along with the ultrasounds and Doppler, have become our special moments that we get to spend with our daughter.  It is not the traditional visit to the zoo or a park/playground, but so profoundly special in its own way.  We are getting to know her more and hopefully she is also getting to know us in her own way.

Tuesday we met with the therapist again. We talked more about the progress on telling the kids, and turned some discussion on how this can be a lot of stress on a family. We're truly blessed we have each other, and such a great network that supports us, even in these most challenging times. This experience is a life lesson on the benefits of each child, especially Caroline, getting to know and experience the love of their mother and father everyday.

Tom had a tough moment on his usual Wednesday morning phone call with his parents when the conversation turned to practical issues of a funeral for a baby that hasn't even been born yet.  It's hard to talk about funeral linens and a coffin, when Caroline deserves to wear all those hand-me-down clothes we have in the basement (thanks Mike and Anne) and to get spoiled in all the ways little girls do. Although it can be sad and frustrating, Tom is finding peace in knowing that God has some greater purpose for her.

Wednesday afternoon, Jessica had another visit to the St. Ann's MFM department. They saw that Caroline's fluid levels remained in the high 3s, and in that game, a tie is a win. Jessica also had some conversations about what to expect from the fetal MRI, which is scheduled for next week.

Even though Jessica was exhausted, she was able to put some words to how amazing and unique the staff at MFM has been. There's Lisa, the nurse who checks in with Jessica even when she's not assigned to Jessica's appointment. Jessica has shared some heartfelt stories with the ultrasound techs, who have been amazingly patient in explaining things and also have shared with her some of their struggles--one has a 5 month old baby named Lily who has required multiple surgeries with more to go (we are keeping each other in our prayers). When Jessica broke down during a consult with Katie (the genetic counselor), she didn't hesitate to provide a comforting hug. Other doctors (not even involved with her case) have passed along messages of prayers. And even Dr. Parker, the OB Jessica saw when she was pregnant with Jane, who's now on this staff in the maternity department, made a special effort to come down to maternal fetal medicine check on her. It's truly a special experience to see how compassionate people have been. God's love is present everywhere here--we can't imagine going through this anywhere else.


Thursday we met with Fr. Dinovo again. We updated him on what's been happening with Caroline. We discussed how he would be part of a team that will be meeting in a few weeks to coordinate Caroline's birth. We talked about baptism, not only some preliminary logistics, but also some faith-based aspects of it. And we opened some discussions on planning Caroline's funeral, and the local funeral homes. After the visit, we headed to the adoration chapel to pray together. Keeping our eyes focused on Jesus is what's getting us through this impossible time.

Several months ago, we had scheduled a Friday date night with several couples at Board and Brush. It was a welcomed night out to share something "normal" with friends that took our mind off our daily struggles that we've been experiencing.  And on Saturday, Jessica's parents arrived, to help with some basics around the house so we can focus on some "Caroline" things. While Anne heads back to work, Jessica's dad will stay with us for a bit to help out.