The First Week of Knowing

Tuesday morning, we were back with Jessica's regular OB - Dr. Murnane. He provided some more answers to our questions regarding the planned diagnosis. While this was a difficult appointment, we really appreciated that his advice always had the highest respect for Caroline as our child, as he was well-grounded in protecting that life. In discussing the increased chance of stillbirth, we asked about getting a home fetal monitor to check the heartbeat, and Dr. Murnane even showed us some pointers on using it.

Dr. Murnane also let us know about "prenatal hospice," a program that was started by a doctor who recognized that families need support handling a pregnancy that's expected to have a special baby. It's run out of Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, and a social worker is assigned to coordinate our "team," which includes Dr. Murnane, the high-risk OBs at MFM, and other people who will help us plan for a birth that will be different than most. He placed the referral, so we could get started.

On Thursday, we also met with our pastor, Father Dinovo of St. Michael's, to begin some understanding from the perspective of our faith. We learned a little about baptism in these circumstances, and also about the various forms of funeral rights for various circumstances, including one for those who never had the opportunity to be baptized. He shared in our pain and sorrow but most importantly prayed with us and over us with a special blessing.  We agreed to gather some more information, and then meet again in a month.

We also started thinking about how to tell Jane, Edward, and Andrew, but we knew that was something that needed some more thought. A friend (who is a counselor herself) gave us the name of a strong Catholic therapist who specializes in infant loss and miscarriage.

As the weekend came, we took a chance to catch our breath, say thanks for such a network of family and close friends, and thanks for our church community. We started the weekend with our church's family holy hour of adoration and benediction on Friday evening.

Throughout this entire process we have felt the presence of God-which has provided us both comfort and strength when we needed it the most.  In our hardest times we have not felt abandoned by Him but rather that our Lord is closer than ever- an amazing grace that has been given to us both.